Confessions of a Christian Potty-Mouth
I grew up in a household deprived of video games, the TV show “Roseanne,” white bread, and the word “piss.”
I’ll never forget the day my sister—bless her heart—ratted me out to my mom for my saying that I was “pissed off.” We were cruising down the wintry northern Minnesota highway, Ma at the wheel, sis and I in the backseat (back-bench actually) of the old, crimson red Ford pickup. Hoooooooboy, if you wanted to get Ma crankin’, just say something on the moderate side of unholy.
The look Ma gave me that day—and the volume of the words she said—are hard to forget. My mom was—still is, in fact—one of the most disciplined and devout Christians I’ve ever met. I suppose I’d be guilty of resenting that fact more than once during my teen years, though I’m beyond grateful to her today for doing e-v-e-r-y-t-h-i-n-g in her power to instill that same faith in me. I remember one of my childhood Sunday School teachers actually saying, “Whenever you feel yourself getting ready to say a swear word, just say the word ‘marshmallow’ instead!” Shhhh-ure. I’ll plead guilty to having a less-than-holy mouth going through high school, and even into college. I could blame it on the influences of my buddies (talking like them to fit in), on athletics and the coarseness of the language that seems to be built into that hyper-competitive arena of life (some weird display of verbal aggression to show strength?), or a multitude of other excuses.
Thankfully, I outgrew that, and now only speak in pure English, weaving sentences together with such artistic form that I can make the Poet Laureate blush. And so what if I still drop the occasional p-bomb, s-bomb, a-bomb, d-bomb, or (earmuffs!) f-bomb? I know the 10 Commandments, and it clearly says to “not use the Lord’s name in vain.” I never say that word, so I’m in the clear!
What Does the Bible say about cursing?
Ephesians 4:29 tells us, “Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.” First Peter 3:10 declares, “For, whoever would love life and see good days must keep his tongue from evil and his lips from deceitful speech.” James 3:9-12 summarizes the issue: “With the tongue we praise our Lord and Father, and with it we curse men, who have been made in God’s likeness. Out of the same mouth come praise and cursing. My brothers, this should not be. Can both fresh water and salt water flow from the same spring? My brothers, can a fig tree bear olives, or a grapevine bear figs? Neither can a salt spring produce fresh water.”
All Eyes (and Ears!) on the Christian!
I went along as a chaperon today on my son’s field trip to the St. Louis Zoo. Had a fantastic time. He’s in first grade now, and seeing as I used to be a 6th grade teacher (the equivalent, I’m told, of being slowly pecked to death by a chicken), I figured it’d be great fun. Have you even heard the vocabulary spouting from these mouths? I know it’s so trite to take the “KIDS these days…” path, but I was blown away. All of you have your opinions, I’m sure, as to why our children are talking this way. Here’s mine: you. As in most things, I believe our kids learn to “train their tongue” is by the example we set for them. Now, as a parent, I don’t think this is groundbreaking research I’ve just conducted.
Let’s turn the tables a bit here, and let me share with you an interesting thing that happened to me at work. I just started this job over a year ago, and as will happen in new jobs, it takes time to learn your surroundings, and more importantly, learn the people you work with. There’s a guy I work with—we’ll call him Jim—that I got along fantastically with right from the start. And as will happen in these instances, I started to form the opinion that Jim was a Christian. Values. Morals. Saying all the right things. He was a natural leader, so I was excited to have a colleague like him! I even went so far as to invite he and his wife to our home for dinner.
And then the bomb dropped. One day at work, Jim came to vent to me about something, and he said…wait for it…”I’M SO PISSED OFF RIGHT NOW!” My jaw about hit the floor. This couldn’t be happening. I was shocked. Disappointed. Saddened. I had such high hopes for him. I’m not kidding, I was bummed out about my “God-dar” being broken. Tough stuff to be so let down. Not many days later, still in a daze (I exaggerate from time to time), Jim and I were eating lunch together and we had a fantastic time sharing our testimonies for how we came to Christ. Picture me slapping my forehead really hard and saying, “I FORGOT that Christians can &#!$^ up too!”
God’s Gentle Reminder(s) to Me
Let me first confess that I still will “forget,” and I will still say the occasional p/s/a/d/whatever-bomb that would make my Ma’s neck veins bulge. It’s never intentional, but I’m fully aware of them the moment I say them. I’d never really realized how powerful a loose-tongue could be until the lesson my “inaccurate impression” of Jim taught me. Certainly, people can think I’m the greatest Christian guy they’ve ever met, but the moment I get into the “unholy” territory with my language, that may well go out the door.
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Now, I’m sure some of you reading this are sitting there thinking: “PISS is a bad word?” Here’s my new rule–a word is a “bad” word if:
- I wouldn’t want my awesome 7-year-old son to say “the word”
- my impression that someone is a Christian could be swayed by hearing them say “the word”
- my Ma would break out the wooden spoon to teach my marshmallow a lesson
Do you have a bad cussing habit, or have you been watching “Sopranos” reruns lately? Find a “Jim” that can hold you accountable to not letting any unwholesome talk come from your mouth, and don’t forget to pray for self-control, so that your words are pleasing to Him.
